With the end of the NFL's regular season, there were a number of quarterback injuries. Since this is the most important position in the game, you'd think teams would be ready for that. But they weren't.
Instead, we had the slate of backup quarterbacks starting. In Oakland, Matt McGloin replaced the injured Derek Carr until he was injured and replaced by Connor Cook. The Dolphins had an injured Ryan Tannehill and went to Matt Moore as backup. In Buffalo, Tyrod Taylor did not get the start because either the team wants to quietly get rid of him or he's injured .... long story. The same could be true in Jacksonville, as the Jaguars may be looking to move on from the Blake Bortles era.
All told, these names stood out to me, because people with alliterative names are not all that common, and yet here are five quarterbacks who are alliterative, and they're all backup QB-level in quality. Maybe it's just my memories, but it feels like alliterative quarterbacks are always backup-level or just not good. So I did some research to see if I was right. Follow me down the rabbit hole, will you?
Best alliterative QB: Kerry Collins
I was surprised to find someone I remembered watching be this high, but that's the case. Collins reached the Pro Bowl twice and played for six teams in 16 years in the NFL. I was shocked to learn that he passed for the 16th-most yards in NFL history. In 17th place is the legendary Joe Montana. He's also kind of the perfect proof of my thesis on alliterative QBs: He also sucked. His career record was 81-99 and he threw only 12 more touchdowns than interceptions.
Second-best: Chris Chandler, 53rd all-time passing yards, eight teams, 67-85 record, 2 Pro Bowls
Most Forgettable Career: Jeff George
This was one of the first alliterative-sounding QBs I thought of for this post. He's further proof of the alliterative-QBs-are-bad conjecture. Jeff George (also a member of the two-first-names club) played for five teams in 11 years. He only made the playoffs twice. He never made the Pro Bowl. His record as a starter is 46-78. He led the league in passing once, in 1997! But his team went 4-12. He led the league in sacks taken twice. His best season by yards/completion was 1999, when his Minnesota Vikings lost to the eventual Super Bowl-winning Rams in the playoffs. That team included young Randy Moss and veteran Chris Carter in his heyday. Jeff George was replaced by Daunte Culpepper the next season and he never started more than 5 games in a season again.
Best Deadpool: Wade Wilson
The character Deadpool, who's the basis of the recent Ryan Reynolds movie, has the real name of Wade Wilson. But there was a QB in the 1980s/1990s with the same name. The comic book character is better. The QB Wade Wilson had a long career of 17 seasons, including 10 with the Vikings and some halfway decent years in the late 1980s, including one Pro Bowl in 1988. I remember him more for being the Dallas Cowboys backup QB for Troy Aikman during the Cowboys' heyday, though he only started four games in that role. In some ways, he never left: He's still the Dallas Quarterbacks Coach, and that team has two good QBs right now in Dak Prescott and Tony Romo. He's the 125th-best passer of all time.
Best Full Name: Bubby Brister
This is a bit of a cheat, since it's not his birth name, but here's another person I instantly thought of for this post. He was never very good, but he started for the Steelers around the late 1980s/early 1990s. My memory told me he played for the Oilers, but I my memory was wrong: He never did. In his best season, he led the Steelers to a 9-7 record, but they missed the playoffs. Oh, and his full name is Walter Andrew Brister III. "Bubby" was a nickname.
Modern Name I Hadn't Considered For This List, But Is A Good Fit Now That I Think About It: Colin Kaepernick
He's probably not going to be a starting QB anymore, but it's not because of his national anthem stance. It's because he's not very good.
Most Promising Youngster Who Could Avoid The Curse: Kirk Cousins
"You Like That?" he was once caught saying after a surprising win. Kirk Cousins, now in his fifth season with the Redskins, doesn't suck. He might be good. He didn't make a Pro Bowl or anything, but he threw for more than 4,000 yards twice in a row known nearly broke the 5,000-yard mark this year with 4,916 yards, the best single season by an alliterative QB in history. The Redskins are stuck in no-man's-land with him: They can keep him, and they probably will, but they're also not sure if he's worth the $20 million+ payday (and status among the league's highest-paid QBs).
Others of Note:
Tommy Thompson, Eagles QB in the 1940s..... Mark Malone, Steelers QB in the 1980s, who Bubby Brister took over for toward the end of the decade.... Bob Berry, Vikings/Falcons QB in the 1960s.... Marcus Mariota, current QB of the Tennessee Titans.
Back on the Magic School Bus
One of the fun things about being a parent is the constant question: "Where did the kids get that from?" Recently, Roland has been begging to watch Magic School Bus. I don't know what caused him to know what it was or why he should like it, but he does. It's really scratching a nostalgia itch for me. Beyond the obvious questions, like "How is a teacher only teaching 8 kids?" and "Does the principal just constantly look the other way" and "Does the history teacher have a time machine?", the show is educational and just plain fun. Supposedly it's making a comeback sometime this year.
I'm also a little sick of it, because we have not stopped watching it lately. I never paid attention much to the actors/trivia from the show, but it's kind of amazing:
• Lily Tomlin does the voice of Miss Frizzle, of course. She won a Daytime Emmy for the role in 1996 for Outstanding Performer In an Animated Program. Ms. Frizzle's full name is Valerie Felicity Frizzle.
• Little Richard did the theme song. Once I saw that, I thought, "Why didn't I know that?"
• Arnold, the kid with glasses who wishes he'd stayed home, was/is voiced by Danny Tambarelli, who you may know as the younger of the lead characters from The Adventures of Pete and Pete. This fact blew my mind.
• The girl who voices Wanda, the Asian student, voiced one of the main characters on the kids' show Babar.
• The girl who voices Keesha, the black girl student, was one of the leads on Shining Time Station, a show I barely remember involving George Carlin and Ringo Starr. But to modern audiences, she's the voice for Sapphire on Steven Universe, a show I love.
• Malcolm-Jamal Warner voiced a character, the producer. (Sidenote: He was the long-term boyfriend of actress Michelle Thomas, who portrayed his girlfriend on The Cosby Show and later was Steve Urkel's girlfriend Myra on Family Matters. Malcolm-Jamal Warner was at her side when she died of a rare form of cancer in 1998, the same year Family Matters was canceled. One more note: She was the daughter of one of the members of Kool and the Gang.)
• The guy who voiced Ralph, Stuart Stone, is a rapper/podcast host/comedian. He's apparently somewhat famous, I guess, in his native of Canada.
• "According to my research," .... Dorothy Ann has never been given a last name in either the show or the books. It might just be "Ann."
• In the books, Ms. Frizzle has 19 kids instead of 8.
• Dorothy Ann's mom is voiced by Tony and Emmy winner Swoosie Kurtz.
• Tyne Daly voiced Ralphie's Mom! I watched that episode and didn't recognize the voice, but saw her name in the credits.
• Edward James Olmos voiced Carlos' Dad!
• Keesha's Grandma was voiced by Eartha Kitt!
• Trapper John from MASH was Arnold's Dad!
• Others providing voices: Carol Channing, Dolly Parton, Dan Marino, Wynonna Judd, Sherman Hemsley, Malcolm McDowell, Ed Asner, Rita Moreno, Dom DeLouise, Tony Randall, and Ed Begley Jr.
Summary Judgments
I'm going to give credit where it is due: I don't think the House GOP abandons its plan to gut an independent ethics group unless Donald Trump pressures them about it the next day. Of course, it was heavy handed and done haphazardly, but he got to the right result. • • • Some media notes: Greta Van Susteren of Fox News is now Greta Van Susteren of MSNBC. And NBC has also hired away Megyn Kelly from Fox News. It seems the top women (don't forget Gretchen Carlson) are leaving Fox News, even after Roger Ailes has left. Interesting to watch. • • • Chris Berman is largely retiring from ESPN. The older I got, the less I enjoyed him. But he had longevity at ESPN over nearly 30 years. • • • Sears is selling the Black and Decker brand to Craftsman. I don't think Sears is going to be around much longer, friends. • • • Evie was at daycare during the Christmas break, and one of the workers brought their husband and showed them around. Evie sees the husband (all the daycare workers happen to be females), points, and says, "It's a Boy! It's a Boy!" repeatedly.
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