I love burrito chains. Maybe it's because I like Mexican food, and a burrito is rice + beans + tortilla + cheese + meat, which is the essence of Mexican food. It can have multiple flavors, with a tweak to the rice or the meat or the salsa changing so much. Guacamole can be a benefit or a filler. Sour cream can be the same way. While there is no such thing as a bad chip, there IS such thing as bad salsa, and there are definitely good salsas out there. There are really only five national chains that are burrito-centric: Moe's, Qdoba, Chipotle, Freebird's and Baja Fresh. I've finally eaten at all of them. Not ranked: fast food places that aren't focused on the burrito, like Taco Bell.
1) Moe's Southwest Grill
Moe's is great. Their meals have cheeky or pop culture-referencing names, which helps them stand out. Their menu is a little more robust than some others, and they have a vibrant atmosphere. At first, the oft-shouted "Welcome to Moe's!" is a little off-putting, but it soon becomes a part of that vibrant atmosphere. But the atmosphere isn't enough to top this list: The burrito is delicious. While points are taken away for lack of free guacamole (if I remember right), points are given back for a generous assortment of salsa, size choices and good queso. The best salsa of any of these places is Moe's green tomatillo salsa, which is sadly seasonal. Memories are a part of it: When I was single in Pittsburg and didn't have anything to do on a Friday, I'd go to Moe's in Joplin as part of a night of errands and feel happy afterward. I also remember eating at Moe's in Norman before it closed and eating at Moe's several times while the kids were in the NICU.
TIE 2) Qdoba/Chipotle
I go back and forth on which one I like better. These are the two burrito restaurants in Liberty. I tend to lean toward Qdoba, but it might just be because their lines are shorter. Chipotle has added chorizo to its menu, which is delicious. Their menu is super small, there's no queso offering, and the atmosphere is detached and assembly line-esque. That said, their guacamole is memorable, their salsas are tasty (the hot salsa is my favorite) and the meat is usually fine. As for Qdoba, they get extra points for a larger menu, flavorful rice and options in meat (two differentiated marinated chicken options). They not only have queso, but have choices in queso. Where they lose points is in the guacamole (meh) and the salsa (choices, but nothing stands out). Anything at this level or above is a good fast food burrito.
4) Homemade
I made these all the time in college, but haven't made them in years. Here's the quick recipe: George Foreman or grill some cheap, marinated steak. Sauté an onion and a green pepper. Meanwhile, cook some stovetop Mexican rice from a package. When all that's cooked, combine in a large burrito with cheese. Fold burrito and place, seam side down in the pan. Flip once it's browned on bottom. Remove when brown on other side. Add salsa when eating. MMMmmmm... so good. I don't have the time/ability to make them with the kids running around right now, but just writing that out has me salivating. Anything this level or higher is worth eating in public.
4) Eat Something Other Than A Burrito
5) Baja Fresh
I forgot about eating Baja Fresh until I researched this. They used to have a kiosk/outlet/whatever in the Pittsburg State student union. Sometimes, if I had a story on campus around lunch and didn't have time to grab food anywhere else, I'd get Baja Fresh. Every time I ate there, I just got this feeling of mediocrity. There was nothing to make it stand out, the food was merely acceptable, and it just left me wishing I'd eaten somewhere better. Worst, it was both dry and bland, neither of which should be acceptable for a great burrito. I gave it multiple chances, but Baja Fresh was just disappointing and bland.
6) Give Up and Find a Taco Bell
7) Consider Skipping The Meal
8) Freebird's
I finally ate at Freebird's earlier this month, which was nice for the purposes of finally feeling like I could write this article. It was not nice for the purposes of taste. The best things I can say about Freebird's is they had varying sizes of burritos and a good atmosphere. This was the first national chain burrito that I've ever considered not finishing or not eating. It was bad. The staff was unhelpful. Everything about the burrito was bland and uninspired. I was hoping there would be good salsa or queso or something to make up for it, but nothing did. They had a tomatillo salsa, but it didn't flow like salsa should, it oozed like syrup. It tasted like tomatillo syrup, too. Their other salsas were equally bad. At least with Baja Fresh, you could cover it up with salsa. Freebird's salsa only made it worse. Friends don't let friends eat at Freebird's.
Name of the Year update
I got 7/8 in the Bulltron regional, only missing on the best matchup: Alpha McMath v. Guy Hands. I said I liked Guy Hands, but I thought the voters would go with McMath. I was wrong about that. I should have had more faith in my prognostications. And although the final polls aren't closed, I'm currently 4/4 in the next round, too.
In the Sithole, I went 6/8, and I'm proud to say I called the Tugg Snowbarger upset! I missed on Tony Orlandoni-Subu Dubey (the latter won), but that winner is going to lose to 1-seed Marmaduke Trebilcock anyway. I also missed on Bumper Pool upsetting Dr. Prospero Gogo, but I think that's because Bumper Pool is an Arkansas linebacker, and so Arkansas fans rallied to his defense.
I was most wrong in the Chrotchtangle, only getting 4/8. But I feel I called the toughest pick: Boats Botes upsetting Eliza Fox Teats. I picked Taco Dibbits, who lost in a narrow vote to La'Genius Wisdom Williams. I also didn't see Bird Lovegod upsetting Teena Touch, but I can rationalize it now: Teena Touch only has one funny name. I was shocked that Jeffrosenberg Tan lost to Headman Dadzie, especially by four votes. Also, I backed the wrong "zard", with Edzard Overbeek losing to Mythzard Thelisma.
Finally, the Dragonwagon, where I got 6/8 right. I don't even care, because a) I called the two biggest upsets and b) Those two are going to lose in the next round to much better names anyway. Let's go back. The two biggest upsets were by 12-seed Demon Clowney and 13-seed Christian Joo. I got them right. The ones I missed were Dougal Spork over Chito Peppler (Spork will lose to Andy Brandy Casagrande IV in the next round) and Fiery Cushman over Cash Masters (Cushman will lose to Sultan McDoom next round).
Round 1 total: 23/32. My goal is 75 percent, and that's only one off. The Chrotchtangle ruined me in the first round, but I'm super proud of calling most of the major upsets: Demon Clowney, Christian Joo, Tugg Snowbarger, and Boats Botes (!).
Summary Judgments
I thought this was a good look at how conservative media failed during the battle over health care reform. • • • Russell Westbrook is amazing. Not only is he going to average a triple double for the season, not only [continues rambling about Westbrook for another paragraph], but he's also going to father a child. • • • I am running again this week, but it's been harder to get back on the wagon than I thought. A run earlier this week required me to stop for a minute after mile 2, and I think it was because I was pushing myself too hard. Now that I know I can run 4 miles, I want to know how fast I can run it. But in doing so, I think I'm overdoing it. That's a hard line to determine: How do I push myself without also causing me to lose the ability to finish at all. • • • I don't remember the cause, but recently I feel like I introduced the concept of fear to Roland. Something had happened, and I asked him if he was scared. And the response was like "Oh... yes, scared. That's what I'm feeling. Yes, I am that." But with tears. So lately, Roland has started using "I'm scared" a lot more. He started crying in the Chick-fil-A play area because some big kids were making noises — "I'm scared." He woke up at 4:30 a.m. because of a storm — "I'm scared." Some of the times he uses it, I think he's just using it as a go-to saying rather than actually being afraid, but it's hard to tell. Either way, I feel like he didn't really understand "Oh, this is fear" until I introduced him to that concept. I mean, I know I had to at some point, but it's still weird: I told my kid what fear is like, and now he knows fear. "My son knows fear because of me" is a weird, guilt-inducing statement.
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